Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Sickness
So lately I have been really sick and currently for the last two days I have been unable to walk a long distance. I have had nausea, fatigue, weakness in my legs, soreness of the jaw, migraines, dizziness, blurriness of vision and extreme pain in my abdomen. At first I thought to myself that I was dying and obviously I was overreacting. So today I started looking at diseases that had my symptoms. The one that I already have is acid reflux and I thought that it had gotten really bad and developed into a severe case. I then looked at the two other ones that honestly out fear in me. Those were stomach cancer and fibromyalgia and to a 19 year old who barely finished her first year of college and an athlete it was probably the worst thing to think that I had. If I have fibromyalgia, then i cant do sports and honestly water polo is my life. If i couldn't do sports I would probably kill myself. I would be in extreme pain for the rest of my life and really what life is that to a teenager? That's a horrible life. The other one is stomach cancer. Cancer is the scariest thing that I think could happen to me. I want to live and I don't ant to have to go through chemotherapy ad lose my hair. i don't want to go through what I heard my step mom go through with her thyroid cancer. Or what I watched my grandpa Jim go through with lung cancer. I saw him wither away when i was little. I saw him take his last breath and honestly that was the hardest thing to witness as a child and especially for it to happen to someone that was so close to me in my life. I'm just so scared and I know I have my love and I know I have my family but its still a scary thought to have. I feel like i'm worrying my self with these diseases that I probably don't have but I feel like it could possibly make a turn for the worst and actually turn out worse then it is right now. What if i lose mobility in my legs? what if i have to get surgery or if I'm walking on campus one day and I just suddenly pass out and end up in the hospital. I don't want to wake up with IV's in me . I don't want to die. I don't want to be in horrible pain for the rest of my life. I don't want this.
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